This is more of a reflectionary piece, rather than a story of my adventures abroad. I wil get those up, but for now I thought I would talk about the strange part of studying abroad.
During the first semester, I held tightly onto my identity as an American. As a Californian specifically. Lover of Mexican food, has a funny accent, has to use converters and adapter, and often comparing things to the USA. When I returned home for the holidays, I didn't have any reverse culture shock, but rather felt I had gained another nationality. This made returning to Wales as easy as going back to Sonoma State.
I haven't been homesick. Rather, I feel scared that I only have one semester and a little regretful that I spend so much precious time feeling sad and miserable whilst I was terribly homesick. But I think I needed to go through that and I needed to go home to realize how much I really do like it here.
It helps that I am a lot busier now. When I got back, all I did was study and take study breaks with Netflix. Which is a necessary evil of all universities. Finals week. It wasn't as hellish once I got into the routine of it, but mind-numbing nonetheless.
After that was a week of Italy and coming back I spent practically a whole weekend at the pub with friends marathoning the Harry Potter movies. My school days are filled up with more classes this term and when I am not in class I have a group of friends to go to the gym with. Every Saturday I hike with the Swansea Ramblers. Last term I had too much free time. I have fixed this.
But when I am so busy and intergrated in the culture, it seems weird to not really be a part of it. Although my closest friends are mostly British, my own accent differs. They have leased or are looking to lease houses for next year here, yet I wait on my friends in America. It seems odd that I will returning home when my life is now here. I fought to hard to stay myself, that when I finally accepted that a part of me can be Welsh, I realize that I will always be American and must return.
I see photos of Sonoma State, be it a shot of the lakes on a sunny day or my friends at an event in the student center, and my heart longs to return. Yet at the same time, I can't imagine leaving all the people I have met here. I have come to have two different lives. I am a burrito-eating, peace-loving Californian, yet also a cider-drinking Welsh gal.
I want to be at SSU with my friends, yet at the same time don't want to leave behind my life in Wales. They don't tell you how strange it is to live two different lives. Two different sets of friends. Two different lifestyles. In America I bake all the time and study hard. Here I barely bake (who am I?) and hang out at pubs. I feel like I am two different people. I fought becoming this other person so hard, but when I went home, I realized that I could still be the old me when I return, even if I try to be the type of person that fits into this culture here.
Before I loved that this was all temporary as I was having such a hard time. Now I know that I will have a hard time letting go in Wales. Yet at the same time, I know it's changed me for the better. I will be more independent, culturally aware, and finally learn how to let go of the small stuff.
I still have until mid-June and intend to make the best of it. A part of me will always live here and now I know that I will have to return in the future.
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