Removing the Rose-Colored Glasses

Despite having a good ride through Wales and getting excited for the year ahead, it wasn't too far in that I began to feel miserable. Jet lag made me tired, I hadn't eaten anything, and I had just been taken out of the warm safe Novato with the potential of familiar and friendly Sonoma State to spend a year in a whole new environment. No parents to help me get situated. No dogs to cuddle when times got hard. Just me. I did say I wanted to learn to be more self-reliant, didn't I?

I was ashamed at how quickly I regretted my decision. How soon I was looking up the cost of a plane ticket home for Christmas (basically not something you want to do since that is main travel time). It's easy to talk about the glamour of Wales and studying abroad while in the nice and cozy state of California. When you get there, things turn around fast.

When I was collecting my luggage from the bus, someone was giving instructions that I could not hear. I didn't quite know where to get my key, but I had maybe 80 pounds worth of combined luggage to drag around with me until I found it. This was when I hated the cobblestone floor beneath me. Did not mesh with rolling wheels carrying a lot of weight. When I did get to the dorm I was happy that it was bigger than pictured, but not by a whole lot.

I believe my parents called it a closet.

But no, there's the closet.

The bathroom is small too. I just barely fit in the shower and since it is so small the steam is practically suffocating.The bed squeaks when you sit on it and you can feel springs in your back. The girl across the hall was saying how nice of a view she had of Singleton Park. This is my view:

What a view...

I got hit by jet lag, culture shock, and homesickness all at once. There seemed like there was so much to do to get set up for my year at university. An entire checklist, in fact. After getting off the bus, it seemed that I already had to start learning to navigate the school and start figuring things out on my own. Where to collect the key to my room, where my room was, what to do after unpacking, etc. All while lugging around my suitcase, carry-on, and backpack. I just kept bugging anyone in a blue shirt that represented the school.

The first night was the hardest for me. I hadn't slept in over 20 hours (except for maybe an hour on the plane and a 20 minute nap on the bus), had barely eaten anything, and was already wishing my parents could be with me like all of the other students there. I was abroad in Wales and an emotional wreck. Already I was on FaceBook messaging my parents.

I told my mom that I had a headache and felt sick in my stomach. "This is already really hard," I informed her while feeling very miserable sitting alone in my room. She told me that I was just tired and that all the other students will have their parents leave and start feeling the same way. She also told me that everything doesn't have to happen in one day (I informed her of how overwhelmed I was) and to just relax and take it all in. As always, she gave some good advise.

I told her that I know once the school year starts and I find a routine things will be much better. Even at Sonoma State I had a rough time transitioning my first semester. But by semester two I had established a group of friends and knew my way around the campus. It should be even easier this year since I know what mistakes I made and can avoid a repeat. Mainly, if I don't get along with my roommates, don't force it. Find friends elsewhere and do things with them. This hasn't been a problem so far, but just in case does I will remember that bit of information.

My mom talked to me a lot, asking how the flight went, customs, and talking about my room. I put on a happy face and video chatted with my parents. When I told them about the drive over here when we hit the beauty of Wales, my dad just looked at my mom with a face that clearly meant, "Oh man, how amazing is that." Probably also some jealousy mixed in (but they will come here eventually!).

I had a hard time sleeping that night and stayed up messaging with more people at home. I know people recommend avoiding this, but I had to talk to people. If it was just me sitting there alone, I don't know how I could have handled it. My support system might be 8 hours behind me, but they are still there.

***DAY TWO***

I woke up feeling much better. Day one consisted of feeling miserable and crying since it had been such a long and emotional day. But on the second day I caught my second wind. I reflected back and decided that the first day was definitely going to be the hardest and that things from there on out would get easier. I mean, just thinking about what I went through with traveling for hours, getting situated, and essentially being thrown into a new culture made for a difficult first day. It was unlike anything I had ever done before. The farthest out of the country I have been is Mexico and Canada, which is nothing by comparison. Plus, it was always with family. I was now finding out was international traveling meant for the first time and I was alone doing it. 

I got through the first day by telling myself, "You're stronger than this. You went to the Safeway deli day after day and that was a struggle. There were times you thought of quitting that quite seriously, but you kept at it. FOR THIS! This transition will be much more fun than being a deli clerk. If you could do that for one month, you can do this for nine."

I reflected on all of this and determined that I would do this. I would find the strength to continue. I figured out how to connect the WiFi all on my own (which many people struggled with) and so I could handle any challenge that was thrown at me. 

I told this all to my mom and she just said, "Dad and I are very proud of you." Even when I doubt myself, she never questions my inner strength. She knew that I could do this even when I started to think that I could not. 

With all of this in mind, I began my second day. Unfortunately, the feeling of not knowing what to do seemed to be a constant trend. Just getting my student ID card was a hassle. I went up to the top of the building by stairs and waited in line for the card. I told them that I wasn't sure if they had one for me since I never gave them a picture. They then said to go to the library and that they would print one off for me. I had to use a map to figure out where the library was, but it was very close. Once there, they informed me that they printed one off for me in early September, but if there wasn't one there for me, they could print me out a new one. Back up the stairs and in line. The staff looked for my ID card in a couple of different boxes, but informed me that they did not in fact have one for me and to go back to the library. They did apologize and said, "This isn't a very good first impression." I told them it was okay and went back down to the library where I finally was able to get my hands on a card.



I ran about all morning checking things off of my to-do list and started to feel overwhelmed again. I went back to my dorm and just crashed. It was bright in my room from the rare sun shining in my window. Multiple things lay strewn on my bed. I didn't care. Instead, I simply pushed them off to one side, took off my shoes and laid down on my bed with my head in the pillows. I would occasionally become semi-conscience and think, "You should wake up," but I ignored it and went back to bed.

When I woke up and checked FaceBook, my friend Jason, who is studying abroad in Paris, talked to me a bit. He gave me some very sound advice. "Listen Sierra. It's okay to feel lousy. You're in a new environment and completely upended from where you were before. Most importantly, don't worry about people who say, 'You're abroad, you're having the time of your life!'. Things can be shitty, and things can be amazing. It all depends on what happens." Those were exactly the words I needed to hear.

Later on, I saw that a guy on my floor posted on FaceBook a question. He wanted to know if Costcutters (the on campus market) had white tac or if it wasn't worth the trip over. I remembered seeing it there and told him so I also said that I still needed to buy dinner and would go with him. He was always very present in the FaceBook group for our floor, and I was excited to finally meet him in person. He brought along his floormate Matthew who was also very nice.

Once there I discovered that they only sold blue tac (not white) which works but poses a higher risk of staining the walls. Nonetheless, he got it after searching around for the white tac. I picked out some dinner (an English pasty) and Gareth (the one from my floor) helped me grab some other quintessential British foods. He also said that if I liked the pasty, he would go with me in the town (with Matthew as well) to get some properly prepared ones as opposed to pre-packaged food.

There I was. Eating British food, meeting the locals, and hopefully adjusting. When I got back, I tried heating up the pasty for dinner. I placed it in the microwave, selected the number of minutes to cook on the dial, but then was stuck. Where was the on switch? I looked all around the microwave, but to no avail. I decided that I would try it cold, as that is how some of the people here eat it. I personally didn't enjoy it that way, but had no other option.

Later, a girl from China who lives on my floor came into the kitchen and talked with me. She thought I had made the pasty myself and was impressed. I told her no, it was pre-made and we laughed about that. She asked how it was, and I admitted that it would be better warm. She tried to help me with the microwave, but upon not seeing an on button was stumped. Later on a local wandered in with her family (still moving stuff in) and instantly figured it out. In China and America, the on button is on the microwave. In the UK, this is unnecessary as all of the outlets had on-off switches. The girl from China explained this to the UK local so that we didn't seem nearly as stupid as we felt.

I sat in the kitchen for awhile talking to both of the Chinese girls on my floor. One of them failed to see that her salt was low sodium and wound up making some pretty nasty soup. She wanted to know where to dump it, and I assumed the sink. This was not a good idea as the drain is small with little holes to let the water go down, and there was no garbage disposal. We all hovered around trying to figure out what to do, and eventually she put the thick soup in a bag she found in the trash and disposed of it that way.

When we went back to our individual rooms I still felt a little crappy. I knew I had Cardiff to look forward to, and that helped. I wrote the blog entry about my plane trip and cried when writing both about leaving my parents at the airport, and everyone moving in with the help of their parents. I knew homesickness was inevitable, but it came fast for me.

I also talked to some friends on FaceBook before settling in for the night. I googled to read articles about surviving the first week and even whether or not to go home during Christmas (still not 100% either way on that one). Anything to find advise and to hear about people going through the same thing as me. But it was getting late and I knew I needed to wake up early tomorrow for my trip to Cardiff so that I had time to eat breakfast and shower. That meant pulling up Netflix (Toy Story 2! Netflix UK has different Disney options and I am overly excited about seeing Pete's Dragon for the first time in years!) and trying to have it lull me into a sleep. The melatonin I bought specifically to help with jet lag also did the trick.

The first and second day were miserable and hellish. I constantly felt overwhelmed and stressed, even full of regrets on occasion. I am not an adventurous person, although I want to be more adventurous. This is all very new and difficult. Consistently I need to remind myself of why I am here, and part of it is to learn to deal with hard things like this.

It's not good when the UK emails you saying that your Biometric Residency Permit that you need to stay in the country has had a processing error and is unavailable. Even harder when you know that you have 10 days to pick it up after entering the country. It's also hard figuring out simple things like how to work a UK microwave. But all you need is a fresh perspective.

I know it was awhile ago, but remember the very bad view I had from my window? If I step to the side, this is what I see:

There's a good view of the beach.

 Life is all about perspective. You could look at them dead on and see nothing good at all. But if you look at it from a different angle, there is beauty in it. Yes, it is hard transitioning. That is the immediate and obvious perspective. However, I also will have the chance to grow stronger from the struggle and learn how to be more self-reliant. There is the additional perk of getting to explore Europe.

Once I discovered this window metaphor, I decided to keep it as my model. Now no matter how hard things get, I can look out at the Swansea Bay and remember that another perspective exists. I just have to find it.